Do I Want to Know?
by axelexa
Summary: Based on the last episodes of Season 5. Chandler thinks about his past months with Monica which guides him the answers to his questions.


_Have you got colour in your cheeks'_

 _Do you ever get the feeling that you can't shift the tide_

 _That sticks around like something's in your teeth_

 _And some aces up your sleeve_

 _Love's a good drug._ Chandler thought about the first night he slept with Monica. Hell it was addicting, but he wanted to be careful. He didn't want to break their special kind of friendship, but all for sure, he wants to brag his sexy babe in front of the people who looked down at him. He remembered how red she was and he thought of it as something cute, yet something different. Way different than what he thinks of Kathy and Janice *cough*. He wished the days never ended, but as much as he hated it, time always ticks, and you can't ever really blame the world from revolving around the sun.

 _I had no idea that you're in deep_

 _I dreamt about you near me every night this week_

 _How many secrets can you keep'_

He remembered the time they got back in US. He was frowning that it was probably over, but he knows there's some kind of magnetic field pulling them closer now. Just 10 seconds after leaving her apartment and he already gets this gut wrenching feeling... a feeling that tells him to get back where he was. "Hey, I'm still in London time..." And so, you know what happened next.

Night after night, he feels like he isn't thinking right. Thoughts fall upon the same person, same name ... same smile. When they have the place for themselves and time like it is unlimited, they start going "all over" each other. It's like a routine, but like what everyone knew- a secret routine.

 _'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow_

It was night and Monica stayed over since Rachel had an overtime in her work. It was one of those nights that Chandler thanked the Almighty that they were given free, yet limited, time. They did their routine, and as always, it felt good for them. It was that thing that satisfies their day, a thing that glues them stronger, a thing that's more than a thing. It was like a tune of a song giving it the life.

 _When I play it on repeat_

 _Until I fall asleep_

 _Spilling drinks on my settee_

3:54 and he woke up from the loud beats of Monica's heart. He loved listening to those, but he knows it's time to wake her up or else someone may find out about them. It gave a rhythm that made him so addicted to listening to it, and all of a sudden, he imagined himself as a father listening to their baby's heart beat during an ultrasound. The thought gave him a wide smile as he looked at his seemingly girlfriend. He sure is happy about it.

He kissed her forehead, but she didn't stir. Smiling at a sad idea, he carefully carried her in his arms and walked towards her apartment. Glad he has her keys, he opened the door and headed to her bed, putting her down and kissing her lips so soft she didn't even stir.

 _(Do I wanna know?)_

 _If this feeling flows both ways?_

 _(Sad to see you go)_

 _Was sort of hoping that you'd stay_

 _(Baby, we both know)_

 _That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

"I love you … much more than what I show right now. " He kissed her forehead one last time and left the area.

It made him genuinely sad knowing he has to leave her. Chandler knows deep in his heart that he would just want to spend the rest of his life with one person. Sadly though, he thought confessing this would probably destroy everything they have.

 _Crawling back to you_

Chandler, then, remembered the time he and Monica fought during thanksgiving. He couldn't believe the reason he lost his pinky toe was an insult he didn't totally mean. That night, Monica felt bad for telling the truth and walked to his apartment wearing a turkey as a … head accessory. That's when he accidentally slipped the cheesy, cliche "I love you". He regretted saying it at first because it feared him that Monica would think of it in a different perspective. Gladly, she took the sentence in a good way. _God, I'm loving you more and more._ He thought to himself at the moment.

 _Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?_

 _'Cause I always do_

 _Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new_

 _Now I've thought it through_

"Monica, you should go and find someone to date again." Rachel frowned as she sat beside Monica. Monica, though, wanted to tell her the truth, but she knew she couldn't. She made a 'somewhat like vow' with Chandler that they wouldn't spill the news at the very moment. Of course she wanted to brag about how sweet, loving, charming, kind, funny, smart, and wonderful her boyfriend is, but maybe for now, she'll leave her vague answers.

"Don't you think I'm finding someone?" Blurting the sentence made her feel a bit guilty knowing Chandler's around and his ears are wide open. Well he couldn't close it, could he? "I'm just kidding, I did find someone, and I prefer it a _secret_ for now." Monica smiled while Rachel frowned and left to go change in her room. Monica took the chance to sit beside Chandler and gave him a loving smile. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier… I love you." She smiled and Chandler gave her that too.

"It's understandable. So… hang out in my apartment? Joey knows about, anyway." Chandler's genius idea gave Monica butterflies and fireworks just right after hearing it.

"Sure."

 _So have you got the guts?_

 _Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts_

 _Simmer down and pucker up_

 _I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you_

 _I don't know if you feel the same as I do_

 _But we could be together if you wanted to_

It was now their first fight, and it seemed to scare Chandler to death. He didn't want to break up or any. He wanted to stay like that with her, but with his first fight with her… God knows it could mean anything. He thought it was the end of the best relationship he has been in.

"Welcome to adult relationship." Monica smiled after their talk about 'the breaking up'. For a moment, it broke her to think he's actually serious, but he actually wasn't. He was just learning what adult relationship really is.

 _(Do I wanna know?)_

 _If this feeling flows both ways?_

Yes, surely this feeling flows both ways. Right after the confession, the talk about the adult relationship, the sneaking out of work to meet each other in Central Perk, it made him realize, this feeling is mutual and it will stay forever.

 _Too busy being yours to fall_

Richard may come and go in Monica's life, but he could never be Chandler's replacement, can he? It was before their anniversary, and Monica met Richard in some kind of shop. There were no sparkling stuff, no love rush, none. It was just him and her in a simple conversation, and nowhere in hell more than that. She knows she's just for Chandler, and neither Chandler can replace her for something better … only because nothing's better.

 _Ever thought of calling darling?_

So, you know what happened next, right? The one with Vegas? It was their anniversary now, and Phoebe mentioning Richard's name made Chandler's blood boil. He sure won't like the man (as a father figure) further. Upon finding Monica to talk about their relationship, he caught her having fun with a man she barely knows. That struck his heart with pure pain. It got him thinking maybe their relationship wasn't all _real._ He left with an empty luggage on left shoulder, pretending to be in a dramatic exist. Just when he was about to leave, Monica stopped him and apologised for whatever happened. Chandler knew it was difficult to stay mad at someone he's madly in love at, and so, he grinned at the thought and kissed her lips.

 _(Do I wanna know?)_

 _If this feeling flows both ways?_

 _Do you want me crawling back to you?_

Chandler remembered all these memories and before he could do anything worse or better, he realized something. The questions' answers were definitely _yes._

 _SONG: Do I Want To Know?_

 _BY: Arctic Monkeys_

 _Note: Characters and most scenes are definitely not mine._


End file.
